Monday, April 25, 2016

Speak Truth in Love (Or Hate)

I hate you, God.
Love, Madeleine.
. . .
I love you, Madeleine.
Hate, God.
Madeleine L’Engle “Love Letter”

What a gift, to not be alone in the hatred realm.

People, all people, get angry with/at God. Even the least angry, most loving, graceful, forgiving, cute people get angry. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.

But hate? Hate is a nasty word.

Hate is thick, viscous, final. It is a hand up as if to say “stop” “Go no further.” Anger chases, hunts, speeds. Hate walks away, finished. Instead of spitting “fuck you,” it sighs, “fuck it.”

I love Madeleine L’Engle’s lines because they reflect what I have felt and what has provoked my hatred, rather than preach away the validity of the situation.

Love, Madeleine.

The love, amidst hate, is for me a sarcastic, four-letter word. “Speak truth in love.” It’s truth, alright. And to write the word love is as much kindness as I can muster, albeit a snorted “love.”

Hate, God.

Yes. Yes. God loves us so well that s/he too walks away. “God is always with us, even when we ignore Him.” Oh horse shit. God says “I love you,” as she is wont to do, and then mirrors my maturity: walks away, palm turned towards me in a perpetual stop sign.

God invented sarcasm and irony.

I love you, Madeleine.
Hate, God.

I love you too. I love you too.
Hate, Me.

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