Monday, February 15, 2016

That's NOT Hypomania


What is hypomania? You tell me. You’re the brainy one.

Hypomania is fall of sophomore year of college: gloriously high goals, little sleep, wringing hands raw, scratching face open, sitting on the floor of the kitchen crying and crying, gasping for breath. Oh, and talking a mile a minute, and being asked if I was okay?

That was hypomania? My eighteen units? But I dropped two classes. That can’t be hypomania. My three to five hours of sleep per night? And not being tired? But I only had four classes. That can’t be hypomania. I pulled off three Bs. But I also got a C. That can’t be hypomania. Wringing my hands raw? But it was cold, and I have dry skin. That can’t be hypomania. Scratching my face open? Well . . . that was just weird. Anxiety, perhaps—I was taking Oral Rhetoric, for Christ’s sake—but not hypomania. The crying episode in the kitchen? I didn’t have any friends around; I was lonely; I couldn’t run or walk normally; I was behind in my classes, and I was probably overdue for a cry (a biannual or an annual or a biennial occurrence) . . . that wasn’t hypomania. Talking? Hell, as I said, I was lonely. That wasn’t hypomania.

According to Google: “a mild form of mania, marked by elation and hyperactivity.

That wasn’t hypomania.

According to Wikipedia: “a mood state characterized by persistent disinhibition and pervasive elevated (euphoric) or irritable mood but generally less severe than full mania.

That wasn’t hypomania. (P.S. “Disinhibition” is not a word. It would be “lack of inhibition.”)

According to Psych Central: it’s more complicated than that.

Shut up. That wasn’t hypomania.

What is hypomania? Telling the manager to get off her ass? While working 50-60 hours a week? No. That was warranted irritability. She needed to be told that.

That was not hypomania.

If none of it is hypomania, then I’ve never experienced it. Therefore, I am not bipolar. Ha. So there. Just usually tired, occasionally depressed—okay, okay, often depressed—and a little, fine, a lot, weird. And entirely socially inept. 

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