I’ve written on it before, hypomania. But I can’t ever seem to nail it down. It’s just so different each time. What I’m realizing now though, is that, as written in a study on Interpersonal Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT) and bipolar II, bipolar is as much a disorder of energy as it is a disorder of moods. Granted, I could be noticing an increase in energy because I just finished off three antibiotics. Perhaps. But I doubt it.
This week, I have gone on three bike rides and walked the dog three times a day, with at least one walk lasting over an hour, sometimes two. I have . . . ENERGY!! It’s fabulous. I hadn’t ridden in months. The dog is getting her exercise. I’m socializing. I’m reading. I can focus.
None of these are bad things. None of these are dangerous or reckless. They’re antennas-up signs, though. At times like this I ask myself, am I sleeping? Yes. Phew. One danger averted. Am I being loose with my money? Nope. Two dangers averted. Am I agitated? Nah. Three dangers averted. So far, this is a safe energy.
My therapist said the hope is, someday, that’s what this will be for me: “oh, I have more energy, how nice,” or “oh, bummer, less energy,” instead of it being an anxiety inducing phenomenon. The hope is someday more energy doesn’t mean a full blown episode is pending, but rather, it means I clean the house or do something productive.
For now, though, I’ll be cautious. More energy? Nice, yes, but, proceed with caution.